Would you like to know a dirty little secret about etiquette trainers?

Here it is:

Some of the rudest people are....etiquette trainers.

Now, before I support my statement, let me be clear. Most etiquette trainers are wonderful, caring, kind, and compassionate people. They want to make the world better, don't take themselves too seriously, and -- especially if they are Certified with Etiquette Moms -- teach etiquette with lightness of heart. In other words, I am not talking about the vast majority of people who teach etiquette.

However, a few etiquette trainers use etiquette training in ways that are obnoxious and downright nasty.

For instance, instead of showing compassion and empathy, a few bad apples use their knowledge of etiquette as a way to put others down while placing themselves on a pedestal. For instance, "I teach etiquette, and you are not parenting your child properly. You should be ashamed because you are raising a brat." Or, "I teach etiquette, and I am telling you that you are being rude to me."

The above, real-life examples (emailed to me) break the first rule of etiquette: Never, ever correct other people's etiquette gaffes (unless you have permission, for instance, when you are running an etiquette class or writing an article about the subject -- and even then you should do it in a compassionate, lighthearted way).

Meanwhile, some etiquette trainers don't apply etiquette to their own lives. It pains me to say this, but every once in a while I get reports of so-called etiquette experts who are extremely rude -- gossiping about others, making negative comments, complaining without tact or discretion, not keeping promises, and coming across as feeling entitled to get things for nothing. They might
know how to eat with the table manners of the Queen, but their overall attitude does not embody etiquette at all.

Finally, I also meet etiquette trainers from time to time who are inauthentic. They say the right words -- "please," "thank you," "with all due respect..." -- but they are clearly faking it. You can tell by their tone of voice and facial expressions that they are really saying, "I am right, and I don't like you at all." Etiquette is not a script. It is a way of being -- one that includes respect, warmth, civility, and compassion for others.

In the legal profession, lawyers are expected to hold themselves to a higher standard than the general population. I believe that the same should be true among etiquette trainers.

Again, my rant in this article is directed only to a tiny percentage of etiquette trainers who use their knowledge in self-serving, hypocritical, and inauthentic ways. The vast majority of us do our very best to represent and model the best principles and practices of etiquette. I know this for a fact, because the members of Etiquette Moms could not be more kind or pleasant to know and to work with.

Just to be sure, let's all take a look in the mirror and see if there are any areas where we can improve the way that we model etiquette to others.

At the same time, let's not let a few bad apples ruin our profession or give a bad name to etiquette and its importance in today's challenging times.

Keep up the great work!