I am reading a series of online posts right now about whether using napkin rings are appropriate to use, tacky, classy, or -- as one participant judges -- "ghastly."

The people participating in this forum are supposed to be etiquette experts. However, I find it hard to believe that something as unimportant as napkin rings are getting so much attention -- and causing so much emotion.
 

Here at Etiquette Moms, we have a couple of responses to this post....

 

First, the word "ghastly" is a bit much for talking about napkin rings. Let's keep perspective. A word like ghastly is for a tragedy like cancer, a terrorist attack, a premature death. Using a word like this in the context of napkin rings reminds me of some of the characters that many television shows make fun of -- people who are straight out of central casting for being uppity, not unlike the main character Hyancinth in the BBC show "Keeping Up Appearances." It's just napkin rings after all!

 

Second, let's keep perspective about etiquette and its purpose. Of course discussions about personal taste and fashion are fine. However, etiquette -- for us, anyway -- begins with the question of what puts people at ease and promotes civility, respect, compassion, and integrity. In this case, if a kind and gracious host has honored you with an invitation to their table and happens to choose to set the table with napkin rings, and we find the napkin rings disagreeable for some reason, let's keep that to ourselves. Perhaps it would be better to meditate on why we so easily judge and find little things like this disagreeable -- instead of thinking, "Oh my gosh! Someone took the time to think of us, invite us to their home, and then spend days and money and effort preparing a lovely meal and event."

 

Third, I'd like to share my own experience of a case where napkin rings were used as part of an elegant and gorgeous service experience. When I worked as a dining room captain at a 4-star restaurant in Boston (white glove service), we used Fitz & Floyd napkins and Fitz & Floyd china napkin rings. They were beautiful. When customers sat down, we would take the napkin out of the napkin ring, place the napkin on the customer's lap, and return the napkin ring to the hutch. It was a wonderful touch, and added to the overall experience of the meal. We served Julia Child, Senator Kennedy, and many other high-profile diners. They enjoyed the service and this touch.

 

Yes -- napkin rings may no longer serve their original function. However, over time they have become a decorative touch. An antiquated concept has morphed into a potentially lovely detail during a meal. It's a beautiful example of the organic way that etiquette must also change in order to stay relevant. As people who teach etiquette and call ourselves expert, we must also morph and adapt with changing times.

 

Finally, in my own case, I find that society has enough other etiquette-related issues that are absolutely crucial to our well-being and that can make a huge difference in our communities, things like etiquette while dating, spending time online without putting ourselves at risk or damaging our reputations, saying "no" to risky behaviors, communicating effectively, handling conflict, and interacting in ways that help us get jobs and build our relationships.

 

If you happen to agree with the above philosophy, you might be a perfect fit to get Certified with any of our Etiquette Training programs. Join us today! You will be glad you did.